I had never imagined that the tragic unprecedented demise of my pet (a female lab dog, named “Blush") with no visible warning symptoms of any fatal or minor disease, would be so painful and irreparable for me and my family. On 14th Jan,2017, at around 8.15 a.m. the death of my pet, indeed, proved one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. It was unbearable and shattering experience to see my fur-child lying inanimate on floor with tongue thrown out and eyes wide opened. I am unable to delete all of her adorable activities from my memories. Every activity of her haunts now and then. The fur-child remained the part and parcel of routine life of my family for more than four years. Prior to half an hour of her death, she walked with me and performed all routine toilet activities and played with a stray dog, barked at the dog, entered into the room galloping from the staircase, drank water, washed her legs. She sounded completely normal and playful before I left for a College. I rushed back to home within a few minutes on receiving telephonic calls about her unexpected behavior. My family members were inconsolable. The funeral performed in a local pet hospital by an electric arrangement was very pathetic and heart rendering. I feel dejected, hapless and shattered. Very painful…. I understand that grieving is a personal and highly individual experience… no philosophical vision can console me. She was a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional love and acceptance, of fun and joy. Her presence was everywhere…while eating, watching TV, cutting birthday cake, going for long driving in a car. She and her activities were the sole topic of routine talk during leisure time between family members and routine visitors. She was, always without any miss, the first to rush to door on hearing the doorbell. She never sounded tired and inactive. She always welcomed the visitors warmly and acknowledged everyone playfully and enthusiastically waiving her tail inexhaustibly. Oh…God…where has my fur-child gone ?…. I still sense her presence early in the morning...licking my legs…pulling me from the bed reminding a walk for her toilet activities. I can still sense the wetness of her cool nose rubbing against my hand…Oh…no…she is no more…no more barking sound during the knock of the door by newspaper vendor…her food pan is still lying…her belt is hanging without her presence…. I never felt such kind of pangs of pains even in any human or acquaintances’ demises…. Please help me overcoming this loss….
I am fully aware that I have been undergoing the following psychological situations: -
- Feeling of Guilt ...I feel responsible for my pet's death, grappled with the "if only I had been more careful" syndrome.
- Denial makes it difficult to accept that my pet is really gone. It's hard to imagine that my pet won't greet me when I come home, or that it doesn't need its evening meal. Sometime I fear that my pet is still alive and suffering somewhere.
- Extreme depression is robbing me of motivation and energy, causing me to dwell upon my sorrow.
- I have anger (on me) for not to be more cautious for last few days…. "Harsh M Krishnatreya"
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